MY MATE KEV/THE MENOPAUSE

Been for a day out with my mate Kev. Been mates with Kev for 20 years but we both moved and lost touch for a bit. It was much harder to find him because he is not on Facebook. We are both 54. Kev is a brilliant singer a writer of songs and a guitarist. He was in a band in the late 70’s early 80’s. He could have been a rock star but he chose to veer off the path of fame and fortune for the sake of love, a love that lasted 15 years. Kev is single now like me. He’s a grumpy old man and I’m a grumpy old woman but we can both laugh about it now and talk about hindsight, what might have been and how life would have been so different if only…..

Kev was made redundant last year. He’s worked all his life. He might lose his house 'cos he can’t pay his mortgage. He’s selling it for a knock down price before it gets repossessed.

Kev’s great, and like me, he too can laugh in the face of adversity. Today we got onto the subject of the menopause. Kev knows I am suffering/going through/dealing with the menopause. Kev, Molly, Ruby, Niamh (our collective dogs) and me all walked up a quite a big hill. We stopped half way up so I could get my fan out. Heat wave + hot flush, not good. Bloody hot flushes, bloody menopause I said. Kev said “what is the menopause, is that when you have a pause from men?” So I said yes Kev, I think it is. How can you possibly consider romance when you wake up in the middle of the night, dripping with sweat, stuck to your duvet, to find your dog feasting off the sweat on your forehead? Then we got to talking about Always Ultras. These are some of my ideas to use them now I no longer have a need.

Although I no longer need Always Ultra
I’ve found a use for them now
I can lie down with one pressed
Onto my sweaty brow!

Another use for Always Ultras
I may well start a trend
I could use them as a book mark
When I ‘m reading Peoples Friend

Now I’m on a roll
I might design some posters
I can cut my Always Ultras out
And turn them into coasters!

And what about some insoles
To put inside your shoes
I still have 2 packets of Ultras
For which I have no use!

Anyway, Kev came up with a brilliant idea and we are wondering if we should take it to Dragon’s Den. This is what he said, we could use them to make Para gliders for Barbie dolls and sell them on e-bay!

Any comments on this would be most welcome.

THE MENOPAUSE

The older I get, the more I am reminded of the things my dear old Mum used to say and the things I used to take with a pinch of salt, for instance “Wait till you are my age”. Well I am now at the age my Mum was when she said that. I can assure you, it is not something I have been waiting for. Getting older is inevitable and the Menopause is nature’s way of reminding you of this. Hormones, testosterone, oestrogen, progesterone. These are all lovely words that roll off the tongue. They do not, however, describe the hot flushes and the sweat that rolls from your head down your face, neck and back or the random little whiskers that appear on your chin:-

As well as the horrendous hot flushes

There’s something else that’s weird

In between the beads of sweat

I’ve started to grow a beard!

RUBY'S BAD NERVES

I have decided to be a blogger. Because I am menopausal I quite often don’t know what day it is. Things happen and I forget. I don’t think I will forget this morning, but in case I do, this is what happened:-

I was awoken at 6.05 a.m. (Sunday). My 24 year old son had been to a party and this is the time he came home, with his girlfriend in tow. Ordinarily this would not bother me; however, I have 2 dogs, one is called Ruby. Before Ruby came to live with me she had already had at least 2 previous homes. To say she is bad with her nerves would be a fair comment. To say my son was very drunk when he stumbled through the patio doors at 6.05 a.m. would also be a fair comment. I have no idea what happened to Ruby in her previous incarnations but this is not the first time my son has come home drunk in the early hours and it is not the first time that Ruby has gone hysterical in a small dog type way and wet herself. When I say wet herself, I mean dribbled wee all over my bed and pillow and also left a little pool on my lounge room carpet. Ruby is unable to tell me what happened to her previously but I suspect she was hurt or frightened by someone who was very drunk.

In conclusion, dogs are like people. If Ruby is approached suddenly, she will instinctively take a couple of steps backwards. She will always have trust issues but she also has an amazing capacity to forgive, but I don’t think she will ever forget, unlike me who has difficulty knowing what day it is.