SANTANDER

My flat is empty of life forms apart from Baby Niamh curled up on one of the old lady chairs and Ruby snuggled up on the old lady settee with her nose buried in Susie Warner’s furry pink cushion. I am not working today so I suppose this would be the ideal opportunity to clean the flat. I’m not in a domestic goddess mood. I have looked in my bedside cabinet for some reading glasses. I found 4 spectacle receptacles and opened each one with eager anticipation. Not one of them had any reading glasses in. I threw them all back in the drawer and slammed the drawer in disgust. No doubt next time I am looking for reading glasses I will go through the same rigmarole again, not remembering that I had already done this before. It would have been better if I had removed the spectacle receptacles there and then. Well ….. it’s not as if I have so much to do now I don’t have time to go looking through empty glasses cases. Anyway, it’s easy to get distracted when you’re not fully committed to the job in hand so I’ve been watching the American X Factor. During the adverts and whilst I was in the kitchen making a brew, I heard a Santander advert. Santander is my new bank. This is not a bank I chose myself. It is the bank that “took over” the Alliance and Leicester. They also changed all the paperwork, the design and colour of my bank statements and increased the charge of my overdraft facility by 100%. Changing everything does not necessarily make it better. It appears that I am to bear the brunt of the costs for these changes by Santander surreptitiously adding the 100% increase to the charge for my overdraft facility. I have written a poem and sent it via secure e-mail to Santander. If these wealthy bankers have a conscience I will soon have £100 in my bank account.

This is the poem:-

I’ve just seen an advert on telly
About switching to Santander
If you do you’ll get a £100
But I think that’s just not fair.
The reason that I think this
Is cos I banked with A & L
Who were taken over by Santander
So I should get £100 as well.
I was happy with A & L
It wasn’t my choice to switch
And the transition did not go too smoothly
Or sadly without a hitch.
The payments and transfers facility
I use to send cash to my son
With the faster payment service
When he finds that his cash has all gone.
I transfer the occasional tenner
Into his student account
And if you look at the state of my finances
It’s a relatively high amount.
But during the merge with my bank
The faster payment did not go through
And my poor boy was left penniless and starving
And did not know what to do.
Therefore as a gesture of goodwill
And so I keep my overdraft with you
Could you credit my account with £100
I think that’s the least you could do.
I have not put a question mark
It’s a rhetorical question you see
And the charges you’ve added to my account
I’d be obliged if you returned them to me.